Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 03:40:21 GMT

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power." Alan Cohen

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I can't believe how much has changed from February 2007 to August 2008.

My first real relationship in years ended up being one of the biggest, most important lessons in my life. I drowned in self-pity and vodka for a while until I realized that he wasn't really worth it. And then I found Brett and it seems like everything has changed. I'm in love for the first time ever and it's such an amazing thing. I've got such an amazing thing with this guy, who, in February 2007 was nobody to me even though he was somebody to almost everyone that I'm friends with. And now we're talking about the future and everything seems so clear for the first time in a long time. While it took me this long to get here, I know now that I had to take the long road to be able to appreciate it as much as I did.

Change: I fell in love.

I've flirted with several flavors of Protestantism. I've been Agnotisc and wondered at Atheism. I considered Buddhism for a long hard while. And then I realized what I knew all along: in my heart I'm a Goddess (and God) worshipping, Nature loving, tree hugging, magick respecting Pagan. Although I haven't got all the kinks worked out yet (who says you're supposed to figure it out in one go?) I've fallen in love with this religious system all over again. It's my path up to the mountain of spiritual enlightenment, because, I was calling out to Her and it helped so so much and that's got to mean something.

Change: I lost and found my religion.

My brother was just barely a man. He was just barely a man and he made a man's decision. He decided his best course of action was to take his own life into his hands and end it. I went from being an older sister to an only child in the span of seconds. I love him and I miss him and there are some days I'm so angry with him because I don't know what I'm going to do without him. It's a waste -- a horrible waste of a life and all the goodness and greatness and talent that made up that life. I hate how he cheated us out of so many things. How he cheated himself out of so many things. I don't understand, but, he made a decision and I guess I respect that and, above all, I know he's in a better place and I guess that's all that matters.

Change: My nineteen year old brother died.

Change: I am now a Secondary Education major. I'm going to make an absolutely awesome History teacher...if school doesn't kill me first.

Change: My bottom jaw is now half an inch longer than it used to be. I feel the need to smile more now that I no longer have braces. I've never seen my teeth look this good in my entire life.

Change: I've lost friends and gained friends and reacquainted with people that I haven't talked to in forever.

All in all, I'm a fairly different person than the one who wrote that last article over a year ago. The most important change? Despite everything, I'm happier than I've been in a long time.

Brand New Day

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 05:04:34 GMT

"Life is not a static thing. The only people who do not change their minds are incompetents in asylums, and those in cemeteries." -- Everett McKinley Dirksen

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Yesterday, last night really, I thought about deleting my xanga. Getting rid of it permanently. And then I realized I just couldn't get rid of it like that. So, here I am, starting over. I still have blogrings to get out of and people to unsub from, but, I've just got to take one thing at a time. Perhaps I can use my xanga for all my randomness, my facebook for all my rantingness, and my myspace for...everything else?

Here's to starting over and the beginning of a brand new day.

Andrea

Lovely_Cliche's Xanga

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Brand New Day